Hurricane Irene

Everybody’s talking about hurricane Irene. Someone I know went to the supermarket and saw people fighting in the bread aisle. They were crushing each other’s windpipes in an attempt to get that last sweet loaf. Apparently, everyone is worried they’ll starve to death during the one day that stores in New Jersey might be closed.

I noticed a bunch of people talking about getting candles, but why would I buy candles when I can just use a flashlight? A battery will last longer than a candle, you dopes. Maybe I should pick up some stone knives and bearskins, too.

I was thinking about our food situation, and the first thing that occurred to me was that I should get some beer. I think there’s beer in the basement, but if the refrigerator goes out it will get warm. So I went on amazon.com and searched for a tiny, beer-sized backup generator that could keep a six pack cold. But they don’t make such a device, and that’s too bad. If the world ends I don’t want to be drunk on warm beer.

This is the first hurricane in the new house. The house is 100 years old, so it’s been around a while—and that’s either good or bad, depending on your perspective. The way I see it, a flooded basement might kill some of the bugs down there. There are these things called “cave crickets” that look like a cross between a spider and a cricket—they’re pretty evil. So maybe the water will drown the little beasts.

I haven’t blogged much lately because I’ve been busy working on the house. But check back soon. You can also just SUBSCRIBE BY EMAIL in the top right corner and the blog posts will be emailed to you. Thanks.