Oh, wait – I forgot that Pluto was stripped of its “planet” status in 2006.
According to the National Orbiter, Pluto had a sleazy affair with Venus that caused Jupiter to fly into a jealous rage. Jupiter then went to his pals at the NCAA and they tested Pluto for banned substances. It turned out that Pluto was pulsating with dianabol, HGH, cocaine, crytsal meth, and high-fructose furniture polish. Pluto claimed it was a misunderstanding – he thought he was only taking cough drops.
But now Pluto says, “Hey, I’ve got five moons so deal with it!” Of course, Jupiter has 63 moons – so why should he care?
Pluto says Jupiter is “compensating.” Besides, do the number of moons really matter? If a tree falls into the methane sea of Saturn and no one hears it, does it splash all over a sphinx? It just might. How do you think she lost her fucking nose?
Venus is pregnant with Mars’s baby, but she’s no intergalactic slut. After all, every affair took place in the same galaxy. Besides, as the only female planet she’s in high demand.