Kindle Paperwhite

books

Endangered Species

I bought a Kindle “Paperwhite” and I love it. I had some doubts about the thing because I’ve always loved paper books, but guess what? I also love to trash everything I used to love, like the Village People and Hostess fruit pies. Anyway, here are some reasons why you might want to consider embracing the future:

1. Less injuries
Sure, you like to “turn pages,” but what about paper cuts? How many people are mortally wounded every year due to this risk? Exactly – none. So that was a stupid comment on my part, but I will forge on and hope to come up with something better in the next paragraph.

2. Definitions
With the Kindle, you can press on a word and see its definition. Man, I wish I’d had this feature when I read Moby Dick! I might have made it past page three.

That was a joke. I actually waded through all four million pages of that soggy seafaring masterpiece and even enjoyed the last 10 pages or so. And it took a long time to do it because I had to look up every other word in the dictionary. On a positive note, I do know what “portentous” means.

3. The Kindle cuts out the boring parts
This is amazing! The digital technology automatically filters out all the pages that are completely uninteresting. Man, I wish I’d had this feature when I read Ulysess!

Note: This is a joke. The super cool feature I’m talking about does not actually exist – yet. But I’m hoping they come up with it soon. For the record, I made it to page 70 of Ulysses.

4. It’s easy to move
I just moved to a new house. If all my books had been digital, it would have saved a lot of packing and lugging and moving and figuring out where to put all the damn books. This is a legitimate reason, and I heartily embrace it.

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6 Responses to Kindle Paperwhite

  1. This is brilliant, and funny (as usual.) BTW–I thought it was proper to put the period inside the parenthesis but it seems this rule has changed, or I was wrong in the first place. What’s the right way to do it?

    • happyjoe says:

      Thanks, Dave. I believe the period goes on the outside in the USA, but I think the British do it your way. Of course the British also turn into drunken maniacs when they watch soccer while we tend to fall asleep, so who’s to say what’s best? I hope your writing is going well.

      • ben walker says:

        I’ll get a Kindle ONLY when I can read Happy Joe’s e-books on it. That’s if I haven’t turned into a drunken maniac. My other half says you can only read stuff on it which you’ve bought on amazon, which seems well dodgy.

        • happyjoe says:

          Ben, I really can’t picture you becoming a maniac. You’re too calm, and there are no calm maniacs. Yes, you can only buy Amazon’s stuff, but Amazon sells everything. In fact I just ordered a 50 gallon garbage can from Amazon. I originally bought it at Home Depot but after many failed attempts to wrestle the maw-faced monstrosity into my Honda Civic I had to take it back into the store for a refund. And now Amazon will deliver it right to my door – oh, baby! Am I getting old? Obviously, since I’m excited about the delivery of an oversized plastic trash container.

  2. Bill Bonner says:

    Cute, Joe – hmmm – wonder what the origin of the name ‘Kindle’ might be – ominous association with Farenheit 451 :-)

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