Meditation supposedly helps a lot of people, and that’s great because some of you need serious help. Some of you might even need to attain a “higher level of consciousness” or whatever – and some of you will be clever enough to pay a guru $1500 to learn how to do it. That’s how much one officially sanctioned class in “transcendental meditation” costs. Apparently, being enlightened is a lot like being broke.
Luckily, someone explained the core concept of meditation to me for free. It involves sitting like a stump and thinking about nothing. It takes a lot of practice to do this for a prolonged period of time because your mind will keep trying to think. But don’t let it happen. Just keep thinking about nothing and you will feel great – right up until you come out of your coma and remember all the annoying imbeciles in your life. Then it’s back to meditating for you.